"It's Not a Motorcycle Baby, it's a Chopper"

Here, courtesy of UNPROFESSIONAL FOUL is the jersey you've been waiting for:

I understand the BigSoccer shop will personalize it with "SUCKER" or "TAXPAYER" or "JIM ROME" for a modest additional fee.

Another CONCACAF Champions League kick in the teeth for MLS last night as MONTREAL IMPACT PROVED THEY"RE SIX GOALS BETTER THAN THE REVS with a very convincing 2-0 win over Jack Warner's Joe Public.

The goalscorers were an Italian and an Agentine and an American GK was absolutely heroic, which is puzzling since it was my understanding the Impact de Montreal was basically French-Canadian, but that's a minor point.

What's more noteworthy is the startling, almost unheard-of post game promise from Joe Public head coach Keith Griffith, who told reporters:

"The next time we meet the Impact at Marvin Lee, we'll beat them by four goals clear, for sure"

Someone needs to explain to Griffith about that whole "don't say things which are going to end up on your opponent's bulletin board" deal.

For those of you who are always wildly offended when I refer to MLS as "The United States of America's Division 1 Professional Soccer League" rather than the North-of-the-Border-preferred "North America's Top Professional Soccer League" (which is not only incorrect but amazingly insulting to Mexico) here's a little show and tell:

On FIFA's website, HERE'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU HIT THE LINK for "USA National League".


Just saying.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean what we all know that it usually means, but FC DALLAS HAS GIVEN SCHELLAS HYNDMAN THE DREADED "VOTE OF CONFIDENCE"

One would hope so. The guy's been on the job, what, two weeks now? Sure, things aren't all that great down there right now but was firing the guy before next season really an issue?

Meanwhile, Colorado Rapids owner Stan Kroenke IS SUDDENLY A VERY POPULAR GUY in the Arsenal board room.

Not so long ago the same group was fighting tooth and nail to keep Kroenke from gaining control of the club, but now that Russian mega-billionaire Alisher Usmanov is making a move on the club they've canged their minds and decided to put him on the board and, basically, beg him to save them from the Russkies.

The irreplaceable Jack Bell, soccer maven for The Old Grey Lady, is claiming that MLS MAY SHOOT STRAIGHT TO 20 TEAMS in the near term.

We can only hope that either he's wrong or they decide otherwise. The only reason to bring in that many teams over the next couple of years is naked greed, since the owners think they may be able to extort $50 million from the line of guys desperate to join MLS.

This was exactly the scenario which killed the NASL and while the guys running MLS undoubtedly think they're much smarter and they don't need to pay attention to the historical record, there simply is not enough talent to go around for anything near that number of clubs.

MLS has finally reached a place, after hitting rock bottom earlier in the decade, where the quality of play is on the upswing, but mindless expansion for the sake of instant dollars is an almost sure fire way to nip that in the bud.

Then again, the Sports Marketing geniuses running this league have never really thought the game itself had much to do with it. Rather, they think promotion, marketing, outreach and TV exposure are all they need.

I think they're wrong, and I hope they understand that MLS is still not a sure thing, that it really could still fail, and that if it dies because of their avarice and their arrogance that a bunch of us are going to track them down like the dogs that they are.

Finally, just because I can, I present, courtesy of a certain highly esteemed KC fan of long association, is a clip, apropos of nothing, which nevertheless just seems to fit: