Brassed off


Pia Sundhage preparing the US women's National Team for the Olympics (file photo)

If you gave me a half hour to scream at anyone I wanted to in the whole world, I'd thank you for the opportunity, but I wouldn't know who deserves it more. The Galaxy, the women's national team, or Christopher Nolan for deciding to end "The Dark Knight" with Result (highlight to reveal): a forty-five minute Gary Oldman monologue about the nature of heroism. The best paced two and a half hour movie since freaking Godfather Part Two, and you leave us with a speech that would have slowed down an episode of "Davey and Goliath"? Jesus wept.

I'd lean towards yelling at the women's national team right now. Hey, remember when they got that utterly meaningless bronze trinket eleven months ago, and we were meant to believe that was a good result? That was against Norway. How delightful to realize that after the worst showing in the history of the women's national team program, we've gotten worse.

Eleven months ago, I was standing on a chair and yelling that we weren't actually four goals worse than Brazil, that it was Ryan's idiot tinkering with the lineup that sank the team and that there was no way in God's green eggs and ham that Hope Solo rolls out a lemon in that game the way Scurry did.

Technically, Solo's disastrous performance this week doesn't actually disprove that theory, so I guess I can stand by it. Technically, there's no reason to believe that Briana Scurry would have made the difference, either. Still...this tournament is your big chance at redemption, a chance to salvage your reputation and the status of the sport in America. Way to come out sharp, Hope. Good focus.

No, it wasn't her fault that her captain betrayed her on the second goal. Nice pass, Kate. Way to come out sharp.

No, it wasn't Hope's fault that Pia started the invincible, unstoppable, unsolvable one forward lineup that has turned good teams mediocre since 1998. Bad enough we kept sending Abby Wambach game after game like Indiana Jones against the snakes. At least pretend to give Natasha Kai some support. Way to come out with the sharp game plan, Pia.

The next two games are against the Fish National Team in Barrel Stadium, and so we'll hear yet again about how we've turned it around, the first game was an aberration, and so forth. While nothing is corrected and nothing is adjusted.

And what really grinds my gears is that we're looking at probably another trip to the medal round, probably another third place finish, and another absolute failure to realize that bronze isn't anywhere near good enough. Maybe the lesson will hit when the Olympians join WPS, and thanks to all the positive publicity are offered deals that would make Sunil Gulati look like Charles Dickens.

...nah, I'd probably still yell at Nolan. Hey, Chris, Ayn Rand called, she said "Show, don't tell."