So if you were one of the countless millions who found themselves caught in the vicelike grip of the scintillating, never-to-be-equaled drama of yesterday's Fire-KC 0-0 barnburner (as in: after watching it, you felt like locking yourself in a barn and setting the place on fire) then you likely missed the compelling drama of the 2008 FIFA World Cup of Beach Soccer finals.
In case you forgot to set the old DVR, Brazil beat Italy and hoisted the coveted....um, "Cup thingie" for the third straight year.:
All of which begs the question of why they hold this event every single year instead of every four, and the answer can be neatly summed up in five words:
The Princesses of the Prado.
While MLS chose to bore everyone senseless with the melodic stylings of a fully clothed Estelle, FIFA eschewed even the barest hint of professional entertainment value and went straight for the babes.
Being one of the 24 members of the FIFA Executive Committee is unquestionably the best gig on Earth.
Leaving aside the fact that every few years a dozen or so countries bribe the bejeezus out of you in a desperate attempt to get your vote as the next World Cup venue, the other perks are astonishing.
You travel either first class or via private plane. You stay in luxury suites in the very best hotels in the world. Dine in the finest restaurants the world has to offer. And in addition to the hefty $125,000 a year salary you pull down (not counting all the tickets you can kite) you are also paid $500 every single day you are away from home.
Last week, for example, the entire membership of the FIFA Executive Board managed to drag themselves to a beach resort in the South of France ("Sorry Hon, looks like another damn business trip") so that they could collectively oversee this critically important event.
(They had been holding it at Copacabana Beach in Brazil but decided to switch it up this year, presumably because they wanted a new selection of restaurants)
Here are the Princesses adding some drama to the titanic UAE - Cameroon match
And like all such events, they of course required a mascot but, since this is the South of France in the Summertime, hiring some poor schmuck to prance around in a silly looking 120 pound purple suit wouldn't have been wise. Nobody wants a guy in polyester fur passed out from heat prostration messing up the ambiance.
So instead, FIFA engaged the services of "The Princesses of the Prado" who, we are assured, are actually from "the Canary Islands" even though the Prado is, of course, in France.
No matter. These fetching young ladies rivaled the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders as they thrilled the crowd with the breathtaking precision of their routines:
The girls themselves were just thrilled at the response the received:
"It's wonderful the way the crowd responds to whatever move we make." remarked Yamily, the team manager.
Particularly, one assumes, the 24 old guys up in the VIP area.
Oh yeah, there was some game or other in between PotP appearances, but that's not really important.
What matters most is that the FIFA Executive board agreed that they should definitely do this again next year.