Noted anti-slavery activist Sepp Blatter wears many hats.
For example, one of his lesser-known official offices is as the elected President of the World Society of Friends of Suspenders.
Unfortunately, they're not referring to those elastic things hat really old guys and serious yuppies use to hold their pants up.
Rather, the WSFS is organized "to protest women wearing pantyhose instead of garter belts".
I tell ya folks, this stuff just writes itself.
(If only Sepp would get caught like Formula 1 President Max Mosley a couple months back, CONDUCTING A NAZI-THEMED S&M PARTY WITH FIVE PROSTITUTES wearing concentration camp uniforms, I'd have material for a year. Pity.)
Another hat Sepp wears is as a member of the International Olympic Committee board of directors.
In that role or his role as FIFA Grand Dragon, he has steadfastly refused to take any action against the Chinese SOccer Federation's BIZARRE ACTIONS AIMED AT THE DANISH TEAM at last years WWC.
Andrew Jennings lays out a tale that's a cross between Kafka and Orwell. Or maybe Joseph Heller - Catch 22 is a good basis for dealing with FIFA.
Read the whole thing, but in a nutshell the Chinese harassed the Danes - their first round opponents - mercilessly, culminating in a couple of Chinese officials getting caught behind a two-way mirror filming the Dane's pregame meeting.
Their coach complained to FIFA, which responded by banning HIM from the rest of the tournament.
The Chinese - God love them - announced that they had "investigated" the complaint and that "no such incident occurred", thereby neatly sidestepping the fact that the Danes HAVE A TAPE OF IT.
FIFA then announced that the whole thing "was not a sporting matter" (apparently the spies were simply trying to determine whether the Danes favored garter belts)
It's taken until just a couple of weeks ago for the IOC and FIFA to pass the thing back and forth until - as everyone knew it would - the matter has now been "closed"
The Danes want to claim that if this same thing happened "to a men's team" that it would have been handled differently. I disagree completely.
It's not about gender here, it's about kissing up to the Chinese.
In other Blatter news even his pet show pony Pele is roundly denouncing the "slavery" theme, saying that COMPARING RONALDO TO A SLAVE IS RIDICULOUS and saying that, frankly, Ronaldo has a contract and that's that.
VITAL FOOTBALL is noting that while Blatter drones on about "slavery" UEFA is taking steps to get the EU to bind young players even more tightly.
STEVE BRUCE says Ronaldo is treated "like a king".
SOCCERLENS points out - as has yours truly - that there really IS a slavery problem in football, and Ronaldo at ManYoo ain't it.
The best, of course, is from NewsBiscuit, WITH A BRUTAL EXPOSE OF RONNIE'S SITUATION with a great photo.
The widely influential and universally respected Hugh McIlvanney at TimesOnLine refers to the whole mess as "Sepp and Ronnie's Looney Tunes Duet"
Brian Lewis at the New York Post puts it much simpler: SEPP BLATTER =IDIOT
On and on, in every paper and from every source in the world. FIFA's response? "Mr. Blatter has made no further comments"
Would that we could get that in writing.