MLS Week 14 - Living on a Prayer.

But first, since I dropped this earlier - the USSF referees come out against street justice.

These are quite clearly references to Chris Klein laying the smack down on a Beckham fanboy, and the snipe (anagram) who yelled out the N-word to Kheli Dube.

And the recommendations here are WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong. As wrong as the chronology of Sublime's "Date Rape" song. Wrongo Starr from that F-Troop episode. The Postman Always Wrongs Twice. The Lord of the Wrongs: The Fellowship of the Wrong.

First of all, Chris Klein dropping that "fan" was, in the words of tvtropes.com, his Crowning Moment of Awesome. The only way Klein would have been more impressive was if he killed him using mind-bullets, like in Tenacious D's "Wonderboy." (That's telekinesis, Kyle!)

And the USSF is telling us that this fan should have his ass remain unkicked? I say thee nay!

The same goes, of course, for Joseph, who could have gone full Mamadou Diallo on the guy for all anyone cared. Like with Klein's actions, Joseph's finger deserved, at the very least, a laurel and hearty handshake.

The attentive MLS fan will note that neither Klein nor Joseph actually were carded, fined, or sanctioned in any way...although their Medals of Honor have apparently not come through yet, either. Which means we can file this under C, for CYA...in case one day a player does go up in the stands and starts wailing on some random fan for no reason.

Fine...I guess. Except this sort of weaselly nonsense just annoys fans who know better, and makes the USSF look like buzzkills at best, apologists for pitch invaders and racists at worse. (Yes, that's an extreme interpretation, but it wasn't like the Dube incident didn't bring out some extreme reactions.) I'm all but 100% fine with MLS players taunting fans, short of someone trotting out Paolo di Canio's fascist salute or something. And I'm 1000% percent fine with fans invading the field getting their asses kicked up and down the field.

Anyway. Week 15.

CREW v. RAPIDS
Interesting stories here, to be certain. Schelotto v. Christian Gomez. Two coaches who started off the season on the "They haven't been fired yet?" list. Two teams that started off the season about as popular as the HPV virus, but are slowly rebuilding their fan bases. If Colorado hadn't spend the past month tumbling from first to tied for fifteenth or wherever they are in the West, this would have been the matchup of the week. Tempting to just say "Rapids on the road = loss, Crew pass Go and collect three points." Very tempting. Very very tempting. Crew, 3-1.

REVOLUTIONARIES v. TORIES
New England plays on FieldCrap too, just like TFC, so it won't be that unfamiliar to the notoriously homesick Toronto...oh, who am I kidding. In theory, now would be an excellent time to mosey off the New England bandwagon, what with getting one point last week out of four against two of the least impressive teams in the league, but I think that was an aberration brought on by being less than fully Shalried up. New England, 2-0.

WIZARDS v. ROYALS
If Kansas City can't win this game, they should just relegate and let the Seattle Sounders in the league next year. Kansas City, 3-1.

COUPE DE CATASTROPHES
Don't look now, but the Fire have been stinking up the league. San Jose at home ordinarily would be a tuneup for the Cleveland City Stars showdown, but these are the same Quakes that rolled into Columbus a few weeks ago and dropped the hammer. Maximum comedy would demand a 1-0 San Jose win, with a C.J. Brown own goal and Chad Barrett missing two or three open nets...but sometimes, talent and home field advantage outweigh comedy. Fire, 3-0.

COPA DE LOS ANIMALES DEL CORRAL
Maximum comedy value demands that Chivas USA succeeds where Chivas Guadalajara didn't. However, equal and opposite maximum comedy value demands that Gordon Kljestan get over on his more talented younger brother. Ives thinks the Red Bulls have pulled out of their swan dive, so I'll agree with him, because it's a lot easier than thinking. NYRB 2-1.

EUROPEAN CUP FINAL CURTAIN-JERKER
Everyone's favorite soccer grump Grahame L. Jones said that it was silly to put this game on before Spain-Germany. Du Nord disagrees, because he thinks that MLS quality isn't THAT far behind. I disagree as well, for two different reasons.

First, Cup final. Cup finals stink. Everyone's sphincters get tight enough to turn dinosaurs into oil when the pressure amps up - this why the real fun is always in the semifinals. You're going to get one of two outcomes in Vienna on Sunday - either Spain beats the hell out of Germany, because the German defense stinks, or Spain gets all nervous and jittery again, like they did against Italy, and the game goes to penalties.

Second, and more important, check out the huge, delicious, mouth-watering GAA's on the MLS teams. Zach Wells is the starting goalkeeper for the BETTER defense - does that paint a picture for you? Yeah, it won't be soccer so much as a battery acid fight, but cheap thrills are still thrilling. This will make the 1999 All-Star Game look like the 1999 Women's World Cup final. DC United, 15-12.