Herewith, a public service announcement for all of you who have yesterday's Germany-Turkey match cued up on your DVR, which you're planning on watching over Labor Day weekend - in 2011 - and don't want some jerk on BigSoccer to spoil the fun.
So, logically, not wanting to know the results of that game you've logged on to the country's biggest soccer fan site. Shrewd.
Now I suppose that I ought to just string you along, saying stuff like "WOW! What a great match! Particularly the second half, which was possibly the single greatest 45 minutes of soccer in world history!" and thereby increase your pain when you settle in to your Barcalounger, pop open a Stella, hit "PLAY" on the remote and end up staring at Julie Foudy for the better part of an hour.
Because as the rest of us know by now, bad weather knocked out the UEFA broadcast center in Vienna, killing the live feed for most of the second half, including three goals.
We did get the live picture back in time to see Lahm's gamewinner, but if you are willing to sit through maybe 40 minutes of Tommy Smith smiling politely while Julie prattles on ("I definitely think the team that scores the most goals is going to win this game, Reese") then you're a far better man than I.
The sad part is that, frankly, Germany sucked (or at least in the parts we actually saw - maybe they were brilliant the rest of the time) and deserved to lose while Turkey played aggressive, hustling, in-your-face soccer, worked their asses off, showed incredible heart and pride and a just world would have put them into the final.
One thing I do wish is for someone to explain to me how it is exactly that Jens Lehmann actually has a job playing soccer. To say he was horrible really gives him too much credit.
Based on what we've seen in this tournament, I'm honestly not sure if the guy could win a spot on an MLS roster. Not as a starter, as a backup. Arsenal? Oh come on, you can't be serious.
At least Rustu had an excuse: he was supposed to be taking in the sights and warming up Zoltan instead of facing down Germany in a semi-final.
Zoltan's pointless, self-indulgent red card very possibly cost Turkey a spot in the final and, much as the suspension was very much deserved - for rank stupidity if nothing else - thats a damned heavy burden he's going to have to carry down the years.
As for Germany, I'm sure their fans are ecstatic about making the final, but surely are uneasy at how dreadfully ordinary they've looked.
If Turkey had shown up with more than 12 field players or even half of their guys who started their first match, it's hard not to believe the result would have been much different, but they showed the world - HEY! ENGLAND! WERE YOU PAYING ATTENTION??? - that work ethic and pride can carry a soccer team a long, long ways.
So the Turkey-Russia final which a lot of people wanted - myself included - is not to be. I suppose it was always too much to hope for.
Because in the real world, Cinderella doesn't really go to that ball, Jack doesn't really climb a beanstalk and Dorothy ends up growing old in a one room shack in a bad part of the Emerald City.
But it sure is fun when a bunch like this Turkey team comes along and, for just a little while, makes you believe that this time it'll be different.