The Game They Didn't Show

What a weekend. Wall-to-wall soccer of every stripe, ranging from the sublime (Turkey-Czech Republic) to the ridiculous (US/Barbados) and filled with heroes (Nihat Kahveci) villains (Jan Koller) and everything in between.

MLS? Yeah, I recall seeing some of that too. My eyes were beginning to glaze over by then but I soldiered on.

Hour after hour. Game after game. I watched it all. And for all my hard work and dedication, there's still one game I missed, one game that, more than any of the 400 others, really it all about this weekend's orgy of soccer.

I'm referring of course to the Germany - Austria "Topless Soccer" extravaganza.

Since ESPN apparently was unable to negotiate the rights to this classic matchup between what might be euphemistically referred to as "Erotic Film Starlets" wearing naught but thongs and body paint, I needn't worry about a "spoiler shield" messing with anyone's future enjoyment of the festivities.

Suffice it to say that the score was 10-5 Austria, with the German ladies doing a passable imitation of the Barbados defense.

I cannot do better than to offer the summation of German keeper Jana Bach:

"I was supposed to hold the balls but I really have no idea how to do that "Maybe it is because I am not all that much into soccer. I am more into shoes to be honest."

Not much I can safely add to that one.

So we're supposed to be concerned about the score of the US/Barbados "soccer game" appearing here on the Home Page so as not to "spoil" it for the two guys who are saving the thing on their DVR for a rainy day?

Forget it. What happened in the HDC last night barely rose to the level of a scrimmage. If watching shooting practice is your thing, be my guest.

But in a weekend filled with great, unbelievable, incredible soccer, that was about the last game you'd want to watch.

If it had been against Mexico, I'd be rerunning it even as we speak for, like, the 12th time.