1. DC United
2. Kansas City
3. Bizarro Chivas
5. New York
8. Los Angeles
10. New England
12. Salt Lake
14. San Jose
The old fortune teller lies dead on the floor
Nobody needs fortunes told anymore
So let's all drink to the death of a clown.
I thought about running with "DC is BACK!" And maybe if New England, Columbus and Chicago had hopped out of the cup in a timely manner, I might have. But it's all for the best - pretending DC United jumped 13 places on the strength of winning at home isn't worth a Pulitzer. And it was about time I started using actual jokes for this again. Although wouldn't it be funny if this turned out to be the final order of finish? I'd laugh.
I hate throwing away a perfectly good joke, though.
Hey, I know.
EURO 2008 POWER RANKINGS!
1. GREECE - Champions until proven otherwise.
2. SWEDEN - Experienced veterans prove crucial in big time tournament.
3. SPAIN - About time they lived up to potential on international stage.
4. CROATIA - England was just the beginning.
5. HOLLAND - Team built around proven winners.
6. RUSSIA - Boy, Group D sure is tough.
7. AUSTRIA - Never count out the hosts.
8. ITALY - Likely won't repeat World Cup success.
9. FRANCE - Best days are behind them.
10. PORTUGAL - Couldn't win this tournament at home, why would they win it now?
11. SWITZERLAND - Can't even beat the United States!
12. CZECH REPUBLIC - if their Baltic scouting is anything to go by
13. TURKEY - They've only got this teeny little slice in Europe to begin with! Who's next, Israel?
14. GERMANY - Overconfident team ripe for a fall.
15. ROMANIA - Not quite ready to lift a trophy.
16. POLAND - Can't even beat the United States!
Okay, yeah - that's money right there.