Jack Warner: "I Saw Death"

As a service to my loyal readers, I try to keep tabs on our good freind Jack Warner, the REAL "Pirate of the Caribbean".

It's not always easy, because he spends a great deal of time traveling, since in addition to the private planes and five star hotels to which his position entitles him he also loves soaking up that £500 per diem which FIFA pays him every night he is not in Port-au-Spain.

Luckily, he has the local newspapers pretty much in the bag, so they are usually full of his comings and goings and stealings and....sorry. Could't be helped.

Anyway, so a week or so ago the T&T press WAS RIFE WITH GLOWING REPORTS on Jack's efforts in regard to the upcoming England match and how he was jetting off to Asia for a couple weeks of the ever-popular "site inspection" duties and, presumably, to line up the series of bagmen who will be required to funnel his share of Asian development back home to T&T.

SOmehow, I didn't put it together until today when THE T&T MEDIA WERE RUNNING TALES OF JACK SURVIVING THE EARTHQUAKE IN CHINA.

Apparently he was in his hotel, lying on the bed, (and he feels the need to report that he was "fully dressed" which makes one suspicious) when he felt the hotel start to sway.

Having time to grab nothing but the nearest suitcase full of money, he ran down 31 floors and is now safely ensconsed in a somehwat less palatial "camp" set up in - don't you love irony? - a football stadium, waiting for FIFA to send a rescue plane to extract him from the horrors of eating non-gourmet food.

Now I'm not churlish enough to wish that the hotel had collapsed on Jack's head or anything, but the thought of him sitting there on a suitcase surrounded by the great unwashed is, well, I'm sorry, it's just too enjoyable not to share.