What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?

Look, it's Monday morning. Nobody's ready for a bunch of "Jack Warner stole this" and "Jack Warner stole that" and "let Canada start their own damn league" rubbish. Plenty of time to ease into that stuff.

Right now seems a more appropriate time to discuss MISS TIFFANY MAY the young lady who, you may recall, did a somewhat restrained version of "streaking" at a US U 23 match.

To me, running around scantily clad, while certainly pleasant, does not meet the formal definition of "streaking" as set forth in the United Nations Charter and the Kellogg-Briand Treaty, which specifically requires the participant to, shall we say, completely disrobe.

Now, courtesy of our good friends at THE OFFSIDE RULES comes word of the missing element which kept Miss May's modesty somewhat intact: money.

Displaying her assets to the crowd at a somewhat obscure sporting event? She's keeping some stuff covered. But then Playboy came along offering a little cold hard cash, and the clothes will be flying like Kendra on a late night Viagra run.

Nice to see that at least one American girl still retains the old fashioned values that made this country great.

And since we're indulging in inconsequential piffle this morning, if you've ever wondered what recently cut underachieving professional soccer players do with all that newly found spare time, AN AMERICAN GAME HAS THE ANSWER, at least in the case of Kyle "America's Next 10 Shirt" Martino, who was spotted sitting amongst the post-menopausal divorcees and unemployable freaks who populate the typical game show audience.

Next for Kyle: an appearance on "The Kardasians, where he'll play a small planet that's been sucked into the gravitational field of Kim's ass.

Lastly , here's an item from MY SOCCER BLOG passing along the news, which I had somehow missed, of ERIC WYNALDA'S RETURN TO THE PITCH with the PDL Bakersfield Brigade.

Unlike Martino, who was never much of a worker to begin with, Wynalda is putting all that free time to good use.