I hereby declare war on peace and happiness

What was the line in "The Incredibles"? When everyone is special, no one is? Well, we've got fourteen very special teams in MLS right now! Yes, we do!

Khano Smith, former Youtube star thanks to a hilarious free kick that went out for an opposing throw-in, is the hero so far this week. I don't know how many points you thought the Revolution would get on a two-game road trip without Ralston, Twellman, Albright, and God knows who else, but I'll bet your answer wasn't "four." Something to think about the next time your team gripes about having to overcome injuries. Looking at you, Bizarro Chivas.

Well, let's continue the futility of trying to predict Major League Parity matches. Keep in mind that, as of today, the first place team in the West has the same number of losses as the last place team in the West.

Kansas City at Toronto: It would greatly behoove Kansas City to win this game. Toronto is beatable, the road trip isn't going to get easier, and Toronto needs to be stopped before they think they can contend.

It would greatly behoove Toronto to win this game. I'm reasonably damned sure the Tories have never had a three-game winning streak, and Kansas City is definitely beatable. If they win this one, they're actually in a position to contend.

I love Kevin Hartman, but I'm not a huge believer in his current shutout streak. Toronto's winning streak was built on D-free Galaxy and a Salt Lake team hung over after routing DC's bench. I shouldn't bet against BMO Field, which if anything is even nuttier than it was last year, but I see Claudio Lopez on one side, and Toronto's defense on the other. 3-1, Wizards.

Houston at Columbus: The Crew are riding their own winning streak, Schelotto and Moffat are acting like they're in their own private MVP race, and along comes the winless Dynamo to keep the party going.

I realize the last time I said "sucker bet," the favorite won by four goals, but, sucker bet. Dynamo 1-0.

Real Salt Lake at DC United: Okay, if DC isn't pumped up for this one, they need to fire everyone and start over. DC 4-0.

Colorado at Chicago: The Fire have had two games at home - one 1-0 loss, and one 4-0 win. Let's split the difference. Fire, 2-0.5.

Bizarro Chivas at Los Angeles: So, people are having trouble picking between the above-mentioned team moaning about injuries that has not coincidentally played worse every week, and the team that's been playing better every week, oh and Beckham and Donovan have just been putting defenders on poster backgrounds recently. In the words of the Prophet Elisha, whatever. Galaxy 3-1.

Earthquakes at Red Bulls: A lot of blogs would say that, as long as God was telling Osorio to coach the Red Bulls, He also might have added something about not rushing Angel back from injury. But not me. I'm above that sort of cheap, divisive hatemongering. The Altidore v. Garcia/Cochrane matchup is actually pretty intriguing, the Peguero v. Goldthwaite showdown slightly less so. I'm thinking San Jose comes in looking for The Point, and that Josmer wrecks that gameplan early. NYRB, 2-0.