MLS Week 5 Power Rankings!

Ranked by most interesting story currently up on their MLSnet website.

1. Diego Gutierrez is still fighting malaria. He doesn't suffer from it, he's helping to prevent other people getting it, I mean.

2. FutboLucha is coming next weekend! Points taken off because I'm pretty sure this isn't "the first Mexican Lucha Libre Wrestling Event in the USA."

3. Frankly, this Red Bulls charity auction looks like it could be going better.

4. RSL Stadium gaining sponsors. Maybe "interesting" isn't necessarily the word, but it's nice to see the Royals attracting interest from sponsors slightly more reputable than the snake oil racket on their shirt fronts.

5. All this time, we were saying "Jean Philippe Peguero," when it's actually "Peguero Jean Philippe." Is it? This just seems wrong. Yes, I do remember Stern John and Avery John, but still.

6. Game Preview: New England at Dallas. They're all business up there in Foxborough.

7. Houston admits they're not playing well. Points for honesty.

8. Nominations for Walk of Fame. A coach does not have to be retired to be eligible, so let's see if they give it to Jason Kreis.

9. Come celebrate Mom with Chivas USA! When I think of Bizarro Chivas, I always think "mothers."

10. Toronto hoping Tebily brings over some of that Birmingham City magic and finesse.

11. "One is an ambitious rookie who learned his craft in the land where the game was born, the other a steady starter who earned his current status by unseating a highly-rated veteran a year ago. They are two defensive midfielders on a D.C. United squad with only one such spot, who thus find themselves in a zero-sum game as competitors for playing time. But somehow, despite all that, Dan Stratford and Clyde Simms have become friends."

So what if I'm the only one who reads this and thinks, "Doug and Bob are Metropolitan policemen...with a difference." They're MY Power Rankings!, after all.

12. Ivan Trujillo enjoys video games.

13. All the splashpage Crew articles were pretty dull, so here's Sirk's latest.

14. Beckham to appear on "Ellen" Thursday. This wouldn't be ranked so high if I didn't think Ellen DeGeneres was very funny. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..." Hey, please, those of you who saw this, tell me how this was. What? I'm not gonna mock you for watching "Ellen." I promise.