Just a stranger on the bus

Man, we've been shooting a lot of business Beau's way, but Juan Carlos Osorio packed a lot of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot into just two lines, so I thought I'd vent in public, by your leave.

As a customer of MLS, I'd prefer it if players and officials weren't quite so honest about using the league as a steppingstone (TM Pat Ianni) to better things. Especially when, as with people like Ianni and Osorio, they haven't accomplished anything in the league yet. I gotta think you're better off focusing on the job at hand, because when you all do get to Europe, you'll actually have to perform rather than spend hours on the tribalrivalsrumors.com web site or whatever looking for potential job openings.

Kinnear and Landon and yes, Taylor Twellman have earned the right to speculate in public about Europe (Kinnear hasn't, to my knowledge, I'm just picking a guy who has enough jewelry now to justify it if he wanted to). Until Osorio wins something, he's running his yap.

That's not what annoyed me, though.

Oh, shut up. Shut up, Coach. Just shut up, and after you've finished shutting up, shut up some more.

You could say this isn't really about soccer, but about religious belief, so I'm out of my jurisdiction here. But no. The topic is Juan Carlos Osorio's long-term plans to replace Sven-Goin' Elsewhere as boss of the most popular team in Manchester. God doesn't care. Jesus doesn't care. Buddha, Allah, Dagda - wrong number. This is not an issue for the divine.

Now, JCO wants to talk about God making him into a better, more ethical, more complete, more fulfilled person - great. That would be a reasonably controversial topic in some quarters, but it's something important to him, and it provides an insight into what makes the guy tick.

But this is Osorio portraying Marc de Grandpre and/or John Guppy as Instruments of the Lord, and I don't know anyone, religious or otherwise, who is better for hearing that. Including, undoubtedly, Guppy and de Grandpre.

The theological implications of Osorio dumping the Fire for New York, and trying to bring Wilman Conde with him are admittedly hilarious. Nevertheless, I'd prefer to hear Osorio admit that sometimes, it's just about human free will, and God is more interested in a person's soul than their job description or their earthly success. (Or lack thereof, to be blunt and cruel. If I could figure out that Calen Carr was a better option than Paulo Wanchope last year, you think the Creator of the Universe could have done the same. Just sayin'.)

I realize Osorio didn't invent this sort of thing. It goes way back before Kurt Warner and Tony Dungy tried to convince us God had a rooting interest in the Super Bowl. It's not even confined to sports, unless you believe God really did think it was for the highest and greatest good that freaking Mary J. Blige won a freaking Grammy. But there must be ways for people in the public eye to express their religious and spiritual beliefs without looking like jackholes.

I know, it could be worse. At least Osorio's not a god-damned Scientologist.

UPDATE - commenters have pointed out that I misinterpreted Osorio's intent about where God was leading him. He may have always intended to end up as New York's head coach, and thus, there's no worry that he intends to go back to Manchester. (That's what happens when you jump from contract to contract - people like me doubt your good intentions.) I apologize.

That said, a God whose ultimate plan for you includes coaching the New York Red Bulls is a terrible and brutal god, indeed.