"Mind if We Dance With Your Dates?"

I'm sure that people will tell me that not knowing who Cyril Chapuis is means that I'm a soccer-ignorant bonehead. So be it. Sure won't be the first time.

But at this point is there a player left on the continent who doesn't claim that he's TURNED DOWN AN OFFER FROM MLS? I myself don't much care that this guy, who seems to be having something less than a Hall of Fame career, doesn't "think (MLS) is a competitive league" or that he thinks signing here is tantamount to "pre-retirement".

I guess what annoys me is the implied arrogance: "I, the Great Cyril Chapuis, am not yet ready to end my brilliant European career and follow my famous brothers to the US for a semi-vacation in that lame-o league over there"

This is a family website, so I won't say something like "Who the hell are you again?". I'll just add that, on behalf of my fellow US Semi-Retirement League fans, we will somehow deal with the deep disappointment of knowing that Cyril Chapuis won't be joining us.

Marcus Hahnemann, on the other hand, SEEMS TO BE EYING THE SHINY NEW GOALPOSTS they'll be installing in Qwest Stadium.

The only Qwestion would seem to be the timing. Certainly he's not Qwazy in thinking about a move that might give him a better shot at some USMNT gigs. Moving to an MLS expansion team might make some guys a bit Qweezy, but Reading-to-Seattle isn't exactly a Qwantum leap.

OK, I'm sorry. I'm having a weird week.

1) IS THIS REALLY A NEWS STORY??? REALLY??. Cripes.

2) What must it be like to not be able to scratch your ass without full-page photos of it appearing all over every newsstand in England the next morning?

3) Does anyone want to bet that in LA you really do get fined "£80"?

In the US, we constantly hear the lament that soccer will never approach the kind of popularity that baseball and football enjoy.

Canada has the same sort of problem, only of course their sport of choice is hockey, to the point that while the Montreal Impact is getting ready to kick off their USL 1 season, the story is that THEY"RE BEHIND THE CANADIENS 100%.

BTW: Joey Saputo says take the Habs in five. And as we all know, Joey has some "connections".

A little farther South, in Toronto, THEY'RE NOTICING THAT TFC SEEMS TO BE STOCKING UP ON NOTORIOUS SOREHEADS.

Carver had better pray that Robert and Guevara can win them some games. If not, the third-loss-in-a-row post game tirades that will surely follow will take that solidly professional locker room atmosphere they've had thus far out back of the stadium and beat it with a tire iron.

Finally, congratulations to the US Women for punching their ticket to Beijing this summer. Natasha Kai looks a heck of a lot like the real deal, guys, and with the new Women's Pro League set to kick off next year a few big-name, star-quality players is what WPS Commissioner Tonya Antonucci gets down on her knees and prays for every night.

*Third day in a row now; I apparently need another cup of coffee before I hit "post"