MLS Power Rankings - Week One

Ranked in order of mascot longevity.

1. (tie) Crew Cat. "The most popular feline in Central Ohio." Go ahead and claim the whole state, Cat, you gotta be more popular than this guy.

1. (tie) Dynamo. "Why should I change? He's the one who sucks!"

3. Slyde. No results found for Okay, it's been thirteen years, can you please tell us why it's a fox, and why it's called "Slyde"?

4. Talon. A great mascot, but the write-up here is eggs-cruciating, and makes me question the eggs-istence of a merciful God.

5. Sparky. And Humo! Awww, look, Humo's so cute!

6. Cozmo. WHO LET THE FROGS OUT! Ribbit, ribbit ribbit! Thank you, yes, that is the funniest thing ever.

7. The ChivaFighter. I did Google to see how long ChivaFighter had been around in Jalisco, before apathy set in after page 2. So 2005 it is.

8. Tex Hooper. I'll bet the people in Frisco are still a little cheesed off with Norm Macdonald for using this name. On the other hand, the people in Houston are probably a little cheesed off with them for stealing the Texans' logo, so, karma.

9. Leonardo. Mona Kreisa? Now, if you had Matt Reis, that would be...stupid, but at least tolerably stupid.

10. Dynamo Diesel. Oh, way to rip off TWO mascots.

11. Anthropomorphic can, until this guy gets his entry visa.

12. Edson the Eagle, Marco Van Bison, and Jorge El Mapache. Three out of four named so far. "Marco Van Bison" - that's cute, I like that. Makes up for the huge originality of an eagle mascot, speaking of ripoffs. There's no truth to the rumor that the fourth mascot will be Gunnersaurus USA.

13. (tie) Toronto. And I was wondering what an FC looked like.

13. (tie) San Jose, if this is anything to go by. I'm guessing Jose Clash isn't going to come out of retirement.