Happy April Fool's Boxing Day

Rather than try to stretch this stuff out to justify their own entries, I'll just do some drive-bys on these topics.

(1) DC United is fine. They're going to adjust to the new faces, then start winning an awful lot of games. They did this exact same thing last year, too - lose their opener on the road in a brand new stadium, then sputter against a Mexican powerhouse in the Jack Warner Face-Off.*

(2) Houston isn't in trouble either, for very similar reasons. Yeah, it wasn't very flattering against New England, but the Revolution were living out the Charles Bronson "Death Wish" revenge fantasy. Except, in the grand scheme of things, a regular season victory is vengeance for MLS Cup in the same way as, when some criminal miscreant kills your children and pets, you get revenge by writting a sharply-worded letter to the editor.

(3) Anyone NOT picking San Jose to work over the Galaxy Thursday night? And if/when that happens, how do you explain not pushing the panic button yet again? Yeah, it's a bad start, and there's still a long way to go. The Challenger got off to a bad start, too, just saying.

(4) Beau Dure interviews Jimmy Conrad, yay.

I hesitate before taking issue with Mr. Conrad, and I realize he was speaking from his personal point of view, so let me tell you what's likely to happen when he does win these things.

At least from a fan point of view, the CONCACAF Cup is a big bucket o' nothin'. The Galaxy won theirs in front of 8,000 fans, and achingly few cared. It's just another line on the resume. I'm reasonably certain DC United fans will back me up on this - I've seen them win MLS Cups, and I watched them win things like CONCACAF and Interamerica. Everyone involved was more excited about the league championship. MAYBE that changes down the road, but I doubt it.

Oh, and the Supporters Shield without a side of MLS Cup? Take it from me, that's a pretty empty award. San Jose, Columbus, DC, Chicago, and Miami fans can chime in here if they please. (I guess Mutiny fans can as well, if there are any left, but it wasn't a physical trophy until 1998, so it's understandable if Tampa Bay fans weren't all geeked about "Hey, we won a trophy three seasons ago!")

The Open Cup SHOULD be higher, but it's soccer, not shouldball. The LHUSOC is the most prestigious afterthought in the world...except for maybe the FA Cup. These are dog days for national challenge cups.

Okay, was Beau joking about PPC and Jimmy didn't get it, or were they both joking and I didn't get it?

But you have to read the interview, especially if you're a huge Rafa Marquez fan...or have made an equally considered and thought-out decision not to be.

(5) Um, no, let's not do this.

(6) As Alexi Lalas' last living fan, I'd like to at least advance the theory that since the Galaxy has the highest attendance and makes the most money, he is actually fulfilling his general manager and presidential duties according to his job description. Now, if he loses his job Friday morning after the Quakes paste the Galaxy 7-0, fine, but he made it through all of last season, and Javier Leon didn't.

Furthermore, I'm instituting as of today a $100 fine for every question about Alexi Lalas' hair. He's had less interesting hair than David Letterman for FIVE YEARS. Live in the now, people.

And I wish Galaxy fans would get off Peter Vagenas' case.

I actually don't need a pony. Why do you ask?

*Step one of my plan to rename the CONCACAF Champions League "The Jack-Off," provided no one grumbles out my PG-13 potty mouth