MLS Preseason Power Rankings, Week of St. Patrick's Day

I try not to steal jokes without giving some attempt at credit, so whoever came up with the line that St. Patrick should have driven the Irish out of Ireland, and kept the snakes? Slainte.

Anyway. POWER RANKINGS! based on cost for the cheapest season ticket.

1. Toronto - your runaway #1 this week, and here's why:
First of all, I wonder if this might affect visiting fans in any way. Second, who the snarf are the Toronto Marlies?

2. Los Angeles - General Admission, $430, and I got a feeling this particular power ranking is gonna put me in a foul mood.

3. DC United - Spectator, $320. Assuming you get that far:
I decided to live dangerously, but will potential customers feel the same way?

4. Chicago - "Firehouse": $320, Section 8 $240. You'd think they'd charge supporters clubs more, not less, for the privilege of standing and waving flags. You know what, maybe I ought to keep quiet about this. No, seriously, if I owned a team, I'd milk the supporters for all they're worth, the silly marks.

5. San Jose- Goal View, $306. By the way, Premier Midfield and Field View tickets are SOLD OUT. Good work, Quakes. Your reward is a tiebreaker over Colorado this week. If you capture and kill the guy who came up with "Savings that are off the Richter scale!", you might head even further up next week.

6. Colorado - South Stands $306, North Corners, which look like truly awful seats...in other words, what we have in LARS - Jesus, we're idiots. See? Supporters are marks. - $216.

7. Houston - Endline, $300.

8. Real Salt Lake - Wow, these guys are annoying. Royal Club Membership (Bronze level), $296. No matches will be held on Sundays. Oh, and Internet Explorer isn't any more excited about RSL than it is about DCU.

9. (tie) FC Dallas - Endline, $280.

9. (tie) New England - Category III, $280.

11. New York - Corner Flag, $272. I dunno what the ESC charges for their goalline seats. I'd ask, but I'm afraid they'd beat me up.

12. Columbus - North End, $252. Wait, I thought they were destroying the North End. Maybe the supporters will do it, if this year is anything like the last few.

13. Future Relocated Franchise - $180. Plus you get a jersey or polo shirt. Get 'em while they're cold.

14. Kansas City - Grass Berm, $150, but the Cauldron is $299. See, exploit the supporters. Besides, the Grass Berm is right by the Party Deck! The PARTY DECK! Why are they building their own stadium? That little ballpark sounds AWESOME! PARTY AT KC'S HOUSE!