That's what happens when you live ten years alone in Bolivia

For my next trick, I will name a team of Most Colorful Personalities in MLS history.

AFTER giving Goal.com the first seventeen picks.

*gasps from the audience*

Drumroll, please.

F: Mamadou Diallo
F: Luis Hernandez
M: Alain Sutter
M: Marco Etcheverry
M: Cobi Jones
M: Carlos Valderrama (or is this too easy?)
D: Lubos Kubik
D: Danny Califf
D: John Doyle
Left Back: John Harkes
GK: Tony Meola

Bench:
Fabrice Noel
Henry Gutierrez, or any of those Fusion guys that always had to tape over their huge freaking earrings
Abdul Thompson Conteh
Steve Jolley
Ezra Hendrickson
Kevin Hartman

Suspended/Inactive/AWOL:
Lothar Matthaeus
Tab Ramos
Sasa Curcic
Joe Franchino
Edson Buddle
Branco
Dario Sala
Junior Agogo

Coach: Ron Newman

GM: ...you know, I wouldn't actually wish these guys on Peter Wilt. The late Peter Bridgewater would know what to do with these clowns, though.

There. Easy-peasy. And I didn't even have to fall back on using four goalkeepers. Although, goalkeepers being what they are, the tougher trick is finding one who isn't (Strother Martin in "Butch Cassidy" voice) colorful. Hell, I felt like I cheated using as many Metrostars as I did. (Harkes was never a Metro, I know. He was always the Metro that should have been.)

You know what, I'll bet Goal's unnamed writer and I still left off some guys. Guys like Dan Calichman, who don't have wacky hairstyles or anything but are fascinating as hell to talk to. Dominic Kinnear could be player-coach for this sort of squad, and neither of us even suggested him.

(I'm not using the nutcases/idiots/scumbags tag, because some of these guys are actually Good Citizens.)