Jack Warner: Just Another Day in Paradise

Last weekend Jack hosted the "Caribbean Football Congress" on the lovely island nation of Guadalupe. There, gloriously ensconced in the finest hotel the region has to offer, the delegates sipped the rarest of wines, ate the most sumptuous five-star meals that someone else's money can buy and - just coincidentally - agreed that Jack Warner is a really great guy.

Sadly, Jack's good friend Chet Greene could only be there in spirit.

Chet was formerly the General Secretary of the Antigua/Barbuda Football Association, but after around a million bucks came up missing, after all of the associations' financial records were mysteriously "burgled" from his home, after he used hundreds of thousands of dollars of FIFA grant money to buy 3000 World Cup tickets that no one can account for (he demanded Euro 2004 tickets from UEFA in bulk, but UEFA laughed at him), after he appointed an old pal to investigate the missing money who turned out to be a) not an accountant and b) a thief who is now missing AND after Antiguas' Sports Minister publicly called him a "pathological liar" the ABFA revolted and put someone else in the job.

Now some people might think that Chet was lucky not to be in prison. Not Jack Warner: he thinks the ABFA owes Greene 100,000 pounds.

You know how it is: you go on a business trip and when it's time to get your expenses covered you can't find that ticket stub from Long Term Parking, or the receipt from the restaurant where you took that client for dinner or maybe you just forgot to ask for something in writing from a cab driver.

It happens to all of us, and normally, well, you're just out of luck.

So when Chet Greene submitted a non-itemized bill for "expenses" totaling around US$ 200,000 to the ABFA without one single solitary shred of evidence of any kind, saying that he had "misplaced" the paperwork, they politely told him to buzz off. Apparently they felt that all the money he had previously stolen, like the FIFA development grant that was used to install air conditioning in his home, was compensation enough.

But they didn't figure on Chet's old pal Jack.

Jack is demanding that they pay Greene the money. The new ABFA Board refuses. This has been ongoing for a while now, and nobody was too terribly concerned until two months ago when Jack Warner sent the ABFA a letter announcing that they were suspended from FIFA until such time as they fork over the cash to Chet Greene.

The ABFA has appealed to FIFA, where the issue will be - um, "investigated". By someone. At some point. Maybe.

Which brings us back to the idyllic retreat held for the Caribbean Football Congress. In between lavishly living it up on FIFA's dime, the Congress managed to pass two vital pieces of legislation:

One says that in the case of Warner's outrageous overthrow of the Dominica board and his attempted re-appointment of alleged human being Patrick John, that Jack should "advise" the FIFA Executive Committee of the "true situation in Dominica football". (American FIFA Executive Board member Chuck Blazer will, by the way, wholeheartedly support him)

The other item was an affirmation and expression of support for Jack Warner's suspension of the ABFA and a renewal of the demand that they pay Chet Greene the money he is demanding.

Immediately afterwards, Jack was jetting off to Cairo to cons=duct another crucial "site inspection" where, according to the CFU WARNER WAS "MOBBED" UPON ARRIVAL

That's not what the pictures show, but maybe they really meant "mobbed up". THAT we can easily believe.

It's good to be Jack Warner.

*per metros11 corrected to read Barbuda. Thanks.