Gullit: "I think we played an excellent game"

Riot Squad board: "Sucksy football"

I've still got the Houston-Sydney game on DVR, so I haven't seen exactly how Houston restored the honor of MLS. But if the Pan Pacific Cup was a conspiracy to dampen enthusiasm in Honolulu for an expansion team, then mission accomplished.

I saw all the empty seats on ESPN Vlasic and thought, "Well, looks like this is going to be the last ever PPC, might as well enjoy it." And yet, for some reason, I didn't.

I tend to occasionally use hyperbole in describing games I don't find pleasurable, but last night's match really was worse than lung cancer. I can't imagine Gamba Osaka fans even felt good about watching it, what with the Aloha Bowl turf playing hob on their attacks. This was about as sexy as the love scene from Andy Warhol's "Empire."

My own favorite moment was Alvaro aka Pires aka Buffalo performing one of my favorite pet peeves, the theatrical rolling around when faking being fouled. He made Carlos Ruiz look like Spencer Freaking Tracy. People who are actually hurt don't roll around like they're auditioning for "Breakin' 3: Electric Jubliee".

As for the rest of who I hope to God aren't actually our starters, it's one thing to throw a bunch of kids out there. It's quite another that every single one of them, at least in the first half, looked scared sans merde. Doesn't anyone connected with the Galaxy actually enjoy playing the game? I sort of have higher hopes for Valentin and Franklin, but compared to what followed anyone would have looked like Fabio Cannavaro.

Then there was Beckham, who played ninety minutes, yay, and who mixed in a few quality crosses with a few resembling Simon Elliott ca. 2003.

Anyway, this wasn't the Galaxy. Here's this year's Galaxy. Ruiz flops. If it's in the box, Donovan takes the PK. Outside the box, Beckham takes the free kick. Everyone else plays defense. Season tickets still available.