(Probably will do a longer bit of primal scream therapy later this week. In the meantime, here are some snippets from my unfinished screenplay, "Well, That Sucked.")
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Guy at Qwest: "Is this the final game for soccer?"

Me: "No, they'll play again next season."

Guy: *suddenly notices that his seat is in another section*
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*Javier Morales leaves the field in tears*

Me: "Oh, man. This isn't how I wanted us to win."
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RSL fans, after Beckham sent another corner kick directly to a crowd of red shirts: "Over-rated!"

Me, chanting back: "Yes, we noticed!"
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My wife, before Landon's kick: "At least Landon won't miss."

Me: "The last time he missed was in a tournament final, after extra time, in a penalty kick shootout."

Landon: *PK attempt flies out of Qwest and into orbit*

My wife: *beats me senseless*
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Next morning. Phone rings. Cell phone ID shows a number about four or five digits too long.

Me:...click here to read more...

5 Comments

In two words, no no. I know my last post of the same, albeit slightly shorter, title aroused a wee bit of skepticism. About my knowledge of football formations, the ages of players concerned, and not the least of which my opinions about a certain Liverpool manager. To clarify my point made in the "comments" chapter of aforementioned blog diary entry, Sergio Aguero is hardly a young up-and-comer (like one Gael Kakuta who looked rather good in his first team debut.) He is therefore likely to expect plenty of first team minutes let alone start week in and week out. His inclusion in the squad, while having an eye on the future, creates the type of situation in the present that has left Roman Pavlyuchenko looking for the exit at Tottenham.

But the latest news in Chelsea's prospective adventures this...click here to read more...

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There are a lot of things you can say about 2009 MLS Champion Real Salt Lake and their improbable - impossible? - run to the Cup.

But one thing nobody can ever say is that they got it on the cheap.


In order to earn the right to stand on that teeny-tiny little stage they always erect for the awards ceremony so that the photos look like a mob scene instead of 25 people standing on a few sheets of plywood in the middle of a big empty field, they had to defeat, in order, the Columbus Crew, the Chicago Fire and the Los Angeles Galaxy.

That's pretty much the best MLS can throw at anyone, and it includes most of the leagues biggest stars in Schelotto, Blanco, McBride, Donovan and Beckham.

No small achievement when the most widely recognized player you can send out there is creaky old Clint Mathis.

If none of those wins - with the possible exception...click here to read more...

43 Comments

Although it hardly qualified as a secret that Toronto was hot on the trail of Predrag (as opposed, I guess, to POSTdrag) Whats-his-face (AKA Sensei Preki), nonetheless, credit where credit is due it was the esteemed Ives Galarcep who first posted that it was a done deal.


(Apparently Mo Johnston is taking the approach that hey, if you can't beat 'em then you might as well kick, trip, gouge and punch 'em. )

Much more out of left field is HIS SCOOP TOUTING STEVE SAMPSON as having the inside track for the Seedy Chivas job.

If true - and seeing as how it's coming from Galarcep rone tends to believe it - then I for one want to publicly thank CUSA management for providing Dan Loney with enough utter-contempt-based material to keep him posting well...click here to read more...

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Dispensing with the understated caveats (and overly long blog post titles) about not being much of a Tottenham fan, Spurs have absolutely manhandled a more than descent Wigan side in shocking fashion. The final score 9-1!

Jermain Defoe alone scored five, including a hat trick within seven minutes! Spurs leapfrogged Aston Villa, who could only manage a 1-1 draw with Burnley yesterday, for the last Champions League spot. They are tied on 25 points with their North London neighbors, your favorite the Arsenal who themselves couldn't score or claim single point from their game at Sunderland, but the Gunners have a game in hand. Peter Crouch, Aaron Lennon and Nico Kranjar also scored, and Spurs got the last thing they needed on the night, another goal, this one an own goal credited to the Wigan keeper Chris Kirkland.

Of course this all doesn't do very well for my predictions but it does make for a very interesting race for the Big...click here to read more...

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Being unable to make it to Seattle on Friday has more benefits than just the serene knowledge that someone flying standby out of Cleveland got a good break, one of them being that I watched the Supporters' Summit.

I went to one once. It was nice. But I've never gone since, and I've always felt guilty about it. If you're right there anyway, it seems like your civic duty, sort of like voting only with Sam Pierron handing out the stickers.
The Commissioner gives the same song and dance he gives everyone about everything, people in the audience toss out softball questions about ridiculous minutia, single table and promotion/relegation and then everybody goes for beers.

Me, I've always chosen to go straight for the last part. Saves so much time, I've found.


But yesterday, stuck at home with my foot elevated and my mood depressed,...click here to read more...

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So. On Sunday we will see MLS Cup set, hopefully, another viewership record, thanks to the star power of the Galaxy.

Wow, it's only been four years. Feels like four hundred. But now, the Galaxy are back. And, as far as anyone in the mainstream knows or cares, is better than ever. Let's see, how does that speech go?

The Galaxy, whom I consider victors of the tournament. You players who in less than a few hours will be acclaimed champions by millinos of your compatriots. You who have no equals in the terrestrial hemisphere. You who are so superior to every other competitor. You whom I already salute as conquerors.

The Galaxy's opponents, meanwhile, barely existed the last time LA won the title, have a stupid name, don't have any very popular players, and no one is giving them a chance. None of them have ever played a game of this magnitude before. (Edit - except Rimando...and come to think of it, Olave may have had the occasional pressure packed game in freaking Colombia...but...click here to read more...

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It is liguilla time in Mexico again.

First a quick word on who didn’t make it. Chivas is a mess. 3 coaches, and one general manager later, and they still missed out on the post season. Pumas found magma in the hole they dug for themselves to start the season. And finally, Ricardo La Volpe added another failed campaign to his losng list of misery in Mexican footie. Atlas had enough, and now he’s gone.

I also need to offer a retraction. A few weeks ago, I blasted FEMEXFUT for its goofy playoff and group setup. I believed that (as in year’s past) the two best third place teams would advance, possibly leaving out a more deserving team. Well, this year the top two in each group, and two best teams regardless of group position made the liguilla. My apologies.

Of the 8 teams that...click here to read more...

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Hm, I've kinda been tunnel-visiony about MLS Cup, what with The Most Important Team In The World going to play the Galaxy and everything. (See what I did there?) (No, seriously, Real Salt Lake has this scrappy underdog thing going that I find both irritating and frightening. I sat through the Sol gagging against Sky Blue, and if this god-damned game isn't looking like its identical twin brother, then, in the words of "Bored of the Rings," I don't know lunch from din-din.)

...so, yeah, like I said, let's see what's happening elsewhere.

*raises the shades of the window*

*sees mushroom cloud*

Okay then.

Thierry Henry said to the reporters,
"A man ain't nothin' but a man.
Before I'll let Ireland go to the Cup
I'll score the winning goal with my hand, Lord Lord,
Score the winning goal with my hand."

I'd love to trot out a "And where in the rules does it say you can't touch the ball with your hand?" crack. Pity The Simpsons did the joke already along those lines.

Justice...click here to read more...

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In a word, no. And while Frank Arnesen's pursuit of the Athetico Madrid striker Sergio Aguero isn't the weirdest thing in the world of football this week, and everyone is talking about how Thierry Henry could have better handled a sticky situation in Paris last night, I turn my eyes to this. But since you brought it up I'll say what anyone with any amount of sense will say about "The Hand of Henry": namely, that even though Ireland were hard done by the handball they surely should have killed the game off sooner, through Liam Lawrence or Damien Duff, and that is where the discussion should end. For the Irish FA to bring a formal complaint and call for a replay is ludicrous.

So, as I was saying before being so rudely diverted, one would think that Chelsea are falling into the pit of overindulging in strikers...click here to read more...

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My previous comments notwithstanding, I wanted to pass this along. I'm not going to waste a lot of time commenting, but I thought an update was appropriate

As predictably as rain in October, the FAI today formally appealed to FIFA for a replay of the Ireland/France match that was won on an admitted Thierry Henry handball.



I understand the impulse, and sympathize with the motives, but if you can sit through this entire video you're a far braver man than I, or you have a low tolerance for repetition:


Videos aside, IRELAND IS RAISING A STINK about this, although one has to guess that the odds against them even getting a hearing are remote at best.

It doesn't...click here to read more...

65 Comments

Since John (see below) is on the Thierry Henry story, I'm taking a pass on it, for two reasons:

First, because we really don't need two posts on the same topic and second because, frankly, there's just nothing to say. The referee is directly behind Henry and so has no chance to see what occurs. The linesmans' view is blocked, so ditto.

Soccer is a lot like life: it's unfair. Your heart breaks for Ireland, who've gotten the shaft in this whole deal from Day One, and after 500 or so years of misery you'd think the Irish could catch ONE break in something but I guess that's not to be.


So we'll move on to the brief moment when it looked like the US might actually be involved in the game yesterday:


Some people are dismissing this as a less than brilliant goal, and while it's not exactly the result of overall offensive strategy, skill and execution...click here to read more...

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I have always been a big fan of Thierry Henry, and I am going to have a hard time seeing him in the same light after what happened in St. Denis today.

I cannot understand why it is that certain teams just seem to get the ref to look the other way when they commit egregious handballs. We all know about la mano de dios, but I’m sure some of you have images of a German handball that Hugh Dallas Missed in Ulsan still burned in your brain. Others might remember some iffy calls last May at Stanford Bridge. Unlike Maradona, though, at least Henry was man enough to admit it.

"I will be honest, it was a handball. But I’m not the ref,” Henry said. “I played it. The ref allowed it. That’s a question you should ask him.”

Today’s ref whiff was equal to the task. There is no guarantee that Ireland would have won the game if the ref made the call. I would even argue that Robbie Keane had as much...click here to read more...

46 Comments

From Major League Soccer:

2009 MLS Expansion Draft Rules

Senior Roster
* Teams may protect 11 players between their Senior and their Developmental Roster.
* If the Player’s contract expires at the end of 2009, he will still be considered part of the Team’s Senior Roster.
* If a Team protects a player, it is not obligated to exercise the player’s option. It may renegotiate a new budget number for the player as in previous years.
* If a player retires, he will not be a part of the Senior Roster, but his Team will lose its right of first refusal to him should he ultimately decide to play.

Developmental Roster
* Players on a Team’s Developmental Roster, other than Generation adidas players who have not been graduated at the end of the 2009 season and Home Grown Players, will be part of the expansion draft.
* Generation adidas players (who have not been graduated at the end of the 2009 season) and Home Grown players are automatically...click here to read more...

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If I'm Jonathan Ullman, present of the Soccer Hall of Fame, I'm so pissed off at Cobi Jones right now I can barely see straight.

It was the Year of Our Lord 2006. Cobi had missed the MLS playoffs for the first time ever, having followed up a triumphant 2005 double year with a truly miserable train wreck under his old friend Steve Sampson.

Then, according to Tim Leiweke, either late in 2006 or early in 2007, he and Cobi had a conversation that went something like this:

Cobi: I've decided to retire.
Tim: We've signed David Beckham.
Cobi: ...next season.

Grant Wahl documented most of what happened afterwards. But one of the little ripples of that decision was to delay Cobi's Hall of Fame eligibility for a year. That year would have been this.

Meanwhile, the Hall followed up major media-friendly inductee events featuring Alexi Lalas and Mia Hamm by inducting no one, thanks to the blinkered and stupid soccer media. Offers from handsome, well-spoken and erudite bloggers...click here to read more...

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The journey has taken almost three years, and it is finally at an end. When the final whistle blows tomorrow night at the Centenario (which hosted the first world cup final), the 32 team field will be complete. 2 short weeks later, we will all know our respective team’s path to the golden blob (it is certainly not a cup).

But we have a few games left before then. 6 to be exact.

In Europe, Greece did not take advantage of their home leg last Saturday against the Ukraine and the game ended in a scoreless draw. Now they have to go to Sunny Donetsk to try and scratch out a result ( 1 PM EST, ESPN2). Good Luck. If there is ever a team that can sit back and squeeze out a goal out of thin air, it’s Greece. But this one has a shootout written all over it, but I do think the Ukraine will prevail in the allotted...click here to read more...

15 Comments

Okay, apparently I have to once again settle the conspiracy idea.

Los Angeles hosts MLS Cup three count em EDIT - oops, four - times. Twice, Galaxy makes the semifinal, loses twice. Third time, Galaxy out in first round after giving up the worst comeback in soccer history. Fourth time, Galaxy misses the playoffs entirely, Chivas USA bounced in the first round.

Two years in a row, Blanco bounced out in the semifinals.

Two years running before this season, Beckham bounced out of the playoffs in the final game.

This year, Seattle is allowed to leave the playoffs without a single goal (presumably, we're aware that a Sounders-hosted Cup would have sold out in, like, two minutes).

When people say MLS isn't Serie A....yeah, it sure isn't.
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And now, the State of the League as delivered by MLS Commissioner Don Garber.

Fine, so it's not going THAT well. But you gotta think The D is pretty happy, and not simply because...click here to read more...

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While it isn't going to remind anyone of Super Bowl week, ESPN has started a fairly substantial promotional campaign leading up to Sunday's MLS Cup game, with loud,
splashy, quick-cutting spots flickering across flat panels in bars, lounges and airports even as we (figuratively) speak.

Of course one of the featured elements is advertising the appearance of David Beckham, which is hardly surprising, since using Chris Wingert as the marquee attraction isn't likely to set the viewing meters ablaze.

(Speaking of which, have you seen the re-cut of the famous California tourism ads
where Hollywood types make puns about "working" in the Golden State? You know, the ones that end with the shot of Maria Shrivers' heavily botoxed "I'm a Kennedy" puss and then pan over to Arnold, looking frighteningly cadaverous, saying "When can you start?"? Those spots are now back in rotation, edited to include David Beckham kicking a ball into the ocean and saying "...but somebody's got to do it". Just...click here to read more...

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Games to watch at the weekend:

Tottenham Hotspur v Wigan Atheletic

This could be a tricky one for Spurs. Fresh from a scrappy win over Sunderland it will be interesting to see if the perennial underachievers can actually begin to stake a claim for a top four finish. This is traditionally the time when Spurs start their slow descent down the table after inevitably (buying big) starting strong, prompting pundits obviously bored with the topic to say things like "this just might be Spurs' year" etc and so on. And Wigan are no pushovers. This will be a good match between a team punching above their weight and a team waiting to get knocked out.

Hull City v West Ham United
RELEGATION BATTLE ROYALE!! I wish we could throw Portsmouth on the pitch too for this one. Wow. Even more "interesting" than the actual ball being kicked about will be to see which one of these managers gets a pink slip delivered in a large sack, also containing an axe, a boot, a hook and possibly a can. Hopefully, hopefully...click here to read more...

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This was supposed to be a week of footie celebration: the world cup field is finally going to be filled up, the Mexican liguilla is gearing up, and the MLS Cup culminates a terrific season for the local league. All of that is still going to happen, and we should all enjoy the festival. I know I will, albeit with a heavy heart.


Antonio de Nigris, the 31 year old Mexican striker, died suddenly yesterday in Greece. I never met the man, but always admired him for the courage he showed to leave the cozy confines of the Mexican Primera to try his luck elsewhere. Blackballed or not, el Tano wanted to play the game, and if it meant he had to emigrate, so...click here to read more...

15 Comments